"We're going to do some basic breathing and focusing on the room," she says.
She guides the participants through a short meditation session, hoping to get their minds off stress, errands and what they're going to make for dinner. She wants to start the class off with everybody relaxed-- but the sound of children shrieking in the next room is a little distracting.
On Oct. 27, it's a typical day at the Oakville Parent Child Centre, a place where moms and dads can connect with other parents and access childcare and information. It's also the first day of Find Your Joy: An Adventure in Finding Out Who You Are, a course for mothers navigating the difficult emotions that parenthood can bring.
The facilitator is Anne Peace, a former public health nurse who now works as a life coach. Using the principles of positive psychology, she developed the class to help mothers create some space in their lives for themselves.
"It's an opportunity for moms to get together, to place feelings, experiences and events in their lives. (A place) where they can share, where they can talk about what it's like to be a mom," Peace said. "And also to move through the difficulties.”
For the moms in the class, those difficulties often centre around figuring out who they are now that they have kids -- especially if the reality of parenthood isn't quite what they expected.
Participant Kirsty Longworth spent years undergoing fertility treatments before having twins and another baby soon after. While she's thrilled with her family, she struggles with guilt on difficult days.
"I've got three gorgeous little boys. They're healthy. I've got the most wonderful husband," she said. "I'm so lucky, yet I feel like I can't complain and I have bad days like everybody else."
For Marny Brice, mother of a four-year-old and a nine-month-old, the challenges come from figuring out her identity now that she's a mom.
"I'm at a crossroads with trying to figure out whether to go back to work or not. I love working, I love being home, but when I'm home, I hate being known as the maid," she said. "I'm a Libra, so I like to try and find balance, but my scales are a little off these days."
According to Peace, it's hard for parents to find time and space in their lives to connect with themselves.
"There are so few moments in the day to even have a cup of tea or have a shower," she said. "You're just so exhausted, you can hardly think straight. There's such a transition from being independent and able to meet your own needs, then all of a sudden you're a mom with the 24/7 needs of a child. It's real, and it's really hard to carve out time for yourself."
Even though it's difficult, Peace believes it's important for women to take care of themselves as well as their kids.
"The best thing you can do for your children is to be connected to yourself," she said.
In her class, the first thing the participants do to start fostering that connection is write a private letter to themselves. In it, they describe how they're feeling -- how they're really feeling. According to Peace, telling the truth about their emotions is the first step to finding their joy. The letters are then sealed and left unopened until the final class.
Peace also facilitates discussions that allow the participants to connect with other parents and share their experiences. She shares her positive psychology research with the group, teaching them strategies they can use in their everyday lives to feel happier -- for example, creating a "positivity portfolio" filled with objects that bring them joy.
Mother-of-three Angie Wilson took the course in 2009. She said the strategies have helped her stay centred in difficult situations.
"I learned things that I could do to cope with certain situations. When I was feeling overwhelmed or upset, (Peace) gave me a lot of techniques to turn to," she said. "I guess it's just about remembering to take care of me."
For Peace, Find Your Joy isn't just about dealing with parenting struggles. It's about living in the present moment and being honest.
"When you connect to yourself in a really meaningful way, there's an intrinsic joyful energy that comes from that," she said. "That's where you're going to find your bliss. You're not going to find it in the beautiful house and the perfect job and the right man...You're going to find it by figuring out who you are."
Photo by Caza_No_7, available under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.
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